Category Archives: Uncategorized

Manhattan Schist

Standard

Manhattan Schist

 by Annie Lanzillotto

 

New York has a destiny of glitter.

We’re built on it.  Born of it.  Born of glitter.

This is Manhattan schist.

This is why we can build high into the sky.

This is why cranes thread the sky,

hoist steel up into clouds.

It’s cool.  I press my forehead down to it.

It’s alive.  I breathe it in.

 

Four hundred and fifty million years ago,

the east coast slammed into the Atlantic sea floor,

the sand and clay dove nine miles down

into the very alive bone marrow

of this earth, hot marrow

where sand and clay

mixed with quartz and feldspar and mica and hornblende,

quartz and feldspar and mica and hornblende.

Mica, from the Latin micare to glitter,

Mica is atomically flat and alive,

So flat you can make a mirror out of it.

Mica loves water.  Mica seeks the sea.

Mica fostered life forms before cell walls existed.

Before cell walls existed!

Thousands of degrees of heat,

megatons of pressure

Voila!  Out of this glittering womb

is born the metamorphic rock: the glittering Manhattan Schist!

Rock that’s black and sparkles,

rock that Nooyawkahs emulate

in our slick dress and shine.

 

Metamorphosis is change in form.

Change by pressure, change by heat, change by friction

change by distortion, change by pressure.

The pressure we know as Nooyawkahs.

Nooyawk for Nooyawkahs.

Change is the bedrock on which we stand.

Metamorphosis is the bedrock of the walk of our life.

 

Our beloved Manhattan Schist is a glittering skyline beneath us.

At Ground Zero it’s eighteen feet below the surface.

That’s why we build there high into the sky.

Schist dives deep, two hundred and sixty feet below Village sidewalks.

Comes up at midtown,

that’s why we build there high into the sky.

Dives down again and surfaces uptown.

At 120th and Madison, schist is three stories high

like a whale breaking the flat-as-earth sea.

In Inwood there are glittering caves.

Skyscraper beneath skyscraper,

Skyline beneath skyline,

Broadway beneath Broadway,

Light beneath lights.

Strongest rock in the world.

 

You gotta find your inner schist.

like the buried sun inside you.

When your crust goes to your core,

and your core to your crust.

When you lose all surface accoutrements.

When you got nothin’ left.

You find your inner glitter

And you know you’re home.

 

It’s great to go to Sloan-Kettering all the time.

Over the past twenty-nine years, I average sixty visits a year. 

The great thing is they turn me inside out.

Blood and bile, vomit and bone marrow,

Chemo is a jute rope pulled through me

Radiation I swallow then spit at the scum in the crosswalk,

superhero radioactive venom spit.

“Get back Asshole. You don’t want me spitting on you!

I ain’t kidding.  Stay away from me. Toxic Lesbians Unite!”

Yellow and black radioactive trefoil symbol

I wear as an armband.  The pregnant

stay outside my eight foot radius.

I can’t hug my own dog.

No one can sit on my lap without reprisal.

Hell, if anyone holds me at night,

they’d absorb more radiation than one should in a lifetime.

Back off.   Radiation is planted

in seeds under my skin.  Radiation I take in

through every pore of skin across my whole body surface.

I turn inside out.

My crust goes to my core.

My core to my crust.

Crust to core.  Core to crust.

Inner schist glittering.

The buried sun inside me.

I know I’m home,

in the sidewalk’s spark at night, curbs jumpin’,

glittery sparks of internal light

like the buried sun in the earth we mistake for gold.

New York City glitters wherever I step

The Sun’s hands sit as if some Goddess spits on each stone.

Sparks fly into the night, silver fish awaken, sidewalks pulse and buckle.

I run over coursing waters hot molten belly.  Jump

I follow the glittery spark internal light.  Jump

Glittering womb that is home.  Jump

My home glitters. 

Glitter is my home.

 

 

 

Aside
 Books are Magic Carpets
1. When I was a kid it was my book nook corner that I would pull a book off the shelf, open it, and go to ancient Egypt to the Greek Goddesses to the Arabian Nights to Lancelot
2.  Now that I have written my own books, they are magic carpets, bringing me into communities, to readers around the world, and will transport me through time and place and generations.
Here are questions for writers  and students who conference with me:
What is your main writing goal? What’s the biggest challenge in your writing process? Have you recited your work at open mic’s? On campus? Off campus? Have you sent your writing out to journals? on campus? off? What’s your next most ‘genuine risk’ you need to take in your writing and public readings? To support your personal needs during writing process, have you visited the on-campus counselor? Or another counselor? Who else is your support team, as you write through the muck? Practice visualizing your life five years from now. What do you see? Can your carve out a peaceful time and hours as a gift for yourself to write, daydream, draw? What mantra, phrase, saying, lyric, empowers you right now?
What is your main writing goal?
What’s the biggest challenge in your writing process?
Have you recited your work at open mic’s?
Have you sent your writing out to journals?
What’s your next most ‘genuine risk’ you need to take in your writing and public readings?
To support your personal needs during the writing process, do you see a counselor, support group, etc?
Who else is your support team?  Who can take the 3AM phone call?  As you write the muck…
Practice visualizing your life five years from now.  What do you see?
Can you carve out a peaceful time and hours as a gift for yourself to write, daydream, draw?
What books are your magic carpets.  Tell detail.
What mantra, phrase, lyric, saying, empowers you right now?

Books are Magic Carpets

REMEMBER THE ALAMO

Standard

Date:    Sat, 21 Sep 2013 10:20:09 -0400
From:    annie lanzillotto <lanzillotto@GMAIL.COM>
Subject: coraggio

Hi All,
Just a note of “coraggio” and fortitude.
When I was being discharged from Sloan-Kettering this week after a lung
infection, I said to the young attending, “In order to be discharged here
is my list of demands” and I handed her a beautifully magic markered paper
— including my demand for a one month supply of Xopenex (nebulizer med
that is about $2000/month and only covered if you’re in a nursing home —
it’s considered by ins companies as “life support”)  —  Now, I don’t
understand the economics of pharmaceutical companies and insurance
companies and how this gets communicated down to pharmacists and doctors
and patients —  but nevertheless, I knew I was wheezing bad and green
lung gunk — and that Xopenex keeps me breathing hence alive.
Twenty hours later, I got the medicine bag.  After visits and “no’s” from
everyone.  I called in the Rabbi, the Pharmacist, the Social Worker, The
Patient Advocate, numerous doctors, etc.  I simply refused to leave.  The
language I used was all from my days as an AIDS ACT-UP Activist.  “I will
handcuff myself to the bed until I get my meds.”  “Remember the Alamo.”  I
was calm.  Sitting Bull.  Just kept ordering breakfast lunch and dinner.  I
pulled out my I.V., bandaged my arm, read, wrote poetry, painted, and
continued to get my nebulizer treatment.  The bottom line is this.  In 3
minutes of an acute asthma attack I could be dead.  I refused that.  At all
costs.  The attending was stunned when the pharmacy came through with the
bag of meds.  The attending at one point said to me “As a compromise, maybe
we can get you one box of the meds.”  What compromise?  Is death a
compromise?  Is this a business negotiation?  Have I survived 32 years at
Sloan, to die because the breathing med is expensive?  How does this all
work?  How can I benefit others with this story?  I have always been an
advocate / activist for people to get med care.  I studied Medical
Anthropology at Brown.  I went to Egypt to study how peasants with
Schistosomiasis get treated or not and why.  And how this turns to bladder
cancer.  I was an AIDS activist in the 80’s.  And now it all comes down to
3 minutes and my own irradiated scarred fibrotic reactive lungs and
brochial tubes.  my alveoli
Love and Power
Annie
HD 86
Thy 97
damages galore

Poetic Mead

Standard

Villanella 4:

 

On the moon I bleed.

O! Blue moon soul!

One more swig of Poetic Mead.

 

The creek bends around the cabin where I write and read.

Silver moon reigns tug my blood right out of my hole.

On the moon I bleed.

 

I rest when my heart’s ache says my soul has the need

to stave off death’s ax, but of that swing I know we have zero control.

One more swig of Poetic Mead.

 

In my fever it’s always Lancelot who pounds in on his muscular white steed.

My pen leaves tracks of life on this paper, one magnificent scroll.

On the moon I bleed.

 

Earth spins so fast I can’t feel the speed.

Overhead heavens pass, as onward another generation of lives roll.

One more swig of Poetic Mead.

 

The city stands up to Heaven on the good welder’s bead,

I slow down to pay the toll.

On the moon I bleed.

One more swig of Poetic Mead.

 

copyright 2013 Annie Lanzillotto

 

Above is my first draft of a new villanella.  “Poetic Mead” is the drink of poetic inspiration.  The nectar that we need and then need to give to others.  It’s forged of the suffering of our lives and the moments of spirit ecstacy.  As writers, we sip the poetic mead and keep making songs out of life.

One good thing about being sick is I quiet down, put the brakes on other’s needs of me, and create solitude, necessary for the writing life.  I feel my heart talking to me, saying lay down, pull up the covers, breathe, let go of all worry, listen to the soul talkin’.   

What does your soul say?  

What scroll would you love to leave behind?

If, as my poem above says, your pen is leaving tracks of this life on the paper, if in one life, you get to leave behind one magnificent scroll, 

take the pen to paper

and let the soul speak. 

What does your heart tell you?  

When you take the time to rest and listen to your heart, what is being said?

LOL: LITERARY OUTLAWS for LIBERATION

Standard
REVIEW:
Each Sunday at my LOL: LITERARY OUTLAWS for LIBERATION creation circle, I give a lesson and short sermon.  Each of these are tools you can use to develop new work and generate text and find your stories within.  Here’s what I’ve discussed so far:
  • SPIRAL WRITING —  I spiral write to include the many dimensions of self and consciousness.  As I write into the spiral I zoom into my dreams and feelings and soul, as I write in progressively outer rings, I include my body, surroundings, places, memories, sky, earth, stars, planets, lifetimes ago, politics, all of the outer realms.  I have one large notebook where I free hand draw five ring spirals, write it, then color it.  I will bring this notebook to show you.
  • ACTION WRITING –  I action write on large paper with no lines.  I lay down or lean on table, wall or floor.  I spread my wings, close my eyes, use a fast graphite or marker, and let it flow.  This is a full body experience.  Breathing into the floor, feeling my heart’s weight on the paper.  Writing as fast as I can and always filling up the paper. This is the beginning of CAVEWORK, marking the walls of your cave with the shadow of your heart.  Later, transcribing.
  • CORAGGIO – take heart. from “cor” Latin for heart.  courage in our voices and stories and poems and songs and beings.  channel our inner Tarzan, beat the chest with courage. Speak.
  • EMPTY THE VESSEL:   Before writing a new song or poem, I “empty the vessel.”  I do this by clearing my mind, exhaling, walking alone in moonlight with no cell phone, no distraction, walking a repetitive pattern in a safe place (safe roof, safe yard, safe playground or court, etc..)  I walk in a large circle or a back and forth pattern, breathe, swing arms, let my mind vacate.
  • LOST and FOUND: I got this exercise from a cancer survivor writing group called LIFE LAB, teacher David Stoler.

1.  Fold an 8×10 piece of paper into three long columns.
2. Then fold it over the short way in half.

           3.  Open it.  You will have 6 boxes.
           4.  Randomly write either the word LOST or the word FOUND in each box.
           5.  Then write one thing that you can lose or find in each box.  Example: my mind, my keys, my virginity, my spirituality, my creativity, my mother, my memory, my neighborhood…
           6.  On the back of the paper, in each box, write a place that has meaning for you, with detail. Ex:  Room 612 at Sloan-Kettering.  My mother’s blue kitchen.  Gina’s bedroom.
           7.  Then on another piece of paper, write the sentences that are formed when you match the front and back of each box.  Ex: I lost my mind in Gina’s bedroom.
           8.  Now that you have six writing prompts.  Write a piece (story, song, poem, free write) for each of the six lines.  As you write, make it true.  Find the truth there is to find.

Narrative Structure: Applying Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey to Solo Theater

Standard

Here is a basic summary of how I utilize Joseph Campbell’s work to help structure my solo shows.  Look in Campbell’s work to see in more detail how he plots these points on a wheel.  This is shorthand for very complicated stuff.  To make it simple, I think of the life of a salmon.  As a salmon expert told me, I was struck with how the salmon too, lives out Campbell’s Hero’s Journey.  Think about it…

  1. The Ordinary World = I begin with limited consciousness, I may not be that happy here, but this is home, this is what I’m used to
  2. The Call to Adventure, What/Who gets character to raise consciousness, to act, to leave
  3. Threshold to Other World = I find myself in a new place, where all the rules have changed. I am disoriented. I find a guardian, here either helpful or a hindrance.
  4. Tests, Enemies / Helpers, Boons   Challenges along the way
  5. INNERMOST CAVE  = My inner fear, biggest test, peeling away. Will I make it?  Vulnerability
  6. The Prize.  The Knowledge Gained.  The Consciousness Raised.
  7. The Return to the Ordinary World Begins.  More helpers and tests.  
  8. Threshold Back to the Ordinary World = Revisiting old friends, lovers. Another Guardian
  9. Changing the Ordinary World with the Knowledge Gained, I bring what I’ve learned home.  I am changed.